Saya bukannya bosan

Saya bukannya bosan, hanya lelah mempertahankan perasaan
Saya bukannya bosan, hanya tak mengerti lagi apa yang harus saya lakukan
Saya bukannya bosan, hanya sudah tak mampu lagi menanti sesuatu yang diharapkan
Saya bukannya bosan, hanya tiba-tiba saja sudah ingin beranjak menuju kepastian
Saya bukannya bosan, hanya ingin ingat lagi bagaimana caranya melupakan
Saya bukannya bosan, hanya terfikir untuk menyudahi apa yang tlah diperjuangkan
Saya bukannya bosan, hanya terlalu sayang.

Sudah saatnya hati ini beranjak, dan membuang perasaan yang sudah tidak lagi layak.

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Dua Puluh

30 September 2014
I’m 20, pals!! Alhamdulillah.
It means that there will be much things that I have to fix in order to make my life gets better.

Thank Allah, for His blessings and still keeping me alive.
Thank you, to my mom and dad and my brothers, for always accepting me as who I am. Your little girl, your big sister is now growing up :’)
Thank you, to all of you guys, my friends, my partners, for always teach me about life. About society and its ups and downs. About how to ‘read’ people. I know I will not be able to know much about life if I did not meet you all; especially those in Sasing 2012 and MB UGM.

Last but not least, I thank Allah for letting me to know this one special person. Nope, he is definitely not my boyfriend. He has been a partner, brother, friend of mine. The guy who is my place to pour anything including my joy, sorrow, disappointment. Anything. I know Allah sent him here to be my experience, my mistakes; which teaches me and makes me better and better day by day. I have never been as brave as when I am with this person. I know I found something hidden of myself in him. Well, this would be a very long essay if I had to describe how we are and what I have learned from him. The point is, he is happiness. When he’s around, I feel safe and warm. I’m not joking. This really happens.
The night before I was going 20, I went with him. 2 hours talking wasn’t enough actually, but that made my whole day.
Thank you, Mas. Thank you for being you. Thank you for always listening. Thank you for accepting me as I am.
Thank you for every single thing you have taught me. Thank you.

TODAY WAS BEYOND SPECIAL!

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I thank God for letting me to know you.
Y’know it’s very hard to find somebody whom you can trust and let him know things about you.

And…yes, when you need a place to share and talk and anything, I’ll be ready either.

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Aku ingin seperti ini
Layaknya ilalang
Yang bisa bebas berhembus ke sana ke mari
Tanpa sedikitpun ada beban yang menghalang

Aku ingin menjadi langit luas
Hamparan kepercayaan semua insan
Karena ketika ia seketika menjadi gelap,
Mereka akan selalu percaya
Bahwa cahaya terang pasti akan datang untuk didekap

***

Kehilangan kepercayaan pada diri mungkin jadi hal terberat dalam hidup seseorang.
Ketika ia belum mampu lagi menyatukan puing-puing semangat yang dulu utuh namun sekarang bertebaran.

Ketika semuanya tak sama seperti dulu kala.

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Selamat Ulang Tahun

Selamat Ulang Tahun karya Dee Lestari

Ribuan detik kuhabisi
Jalanan lengang kutentang
Oh, gelapnya, tiada yang buka
Adakah dunia mengerti

Miliaran panah jarak kita
Tak jua tumbuh sayapku
Satu-satunya cara yang ada
Gelombang tuk ku bicara

Tahanlah, wahai Waktu
Ada “Selamat ulang tahun”
Yang harus tiba tepat waktunya
Untuk dia yang terjaga menantiku

Tengah malamnya lewat sudah
Tiada kejutan tersisa
Aku terlunta, tanpa sarana
Saluran tuk ku bicara

Jangan berjalan, Waktu
Ada “Selamat ulang tahun”
Yang harus tiba tepat waktunya
Semoga dia masih ada menantiku

Mundurlah, wahai Waktu
Ada “Selamat ulang tahun”
Yang tertahan tuk kuucapkan
Yang harusnya tiba tepat waktunya
Dan rasa cinta yang s’lalu membara
Untuk dia yang terjaga
Menantiku…

Selamat ulang tahun. :’)

“Hati adalah air, aku lantas menyimpulkan. Baru mengalir jika menggulir dari tempat tinggi ke tempat lebih rendah. Ada gravitasi yang secara alamiah menggiringnya. Dan jika peristiwa jatuh hati diumpamakan air terjun, maka bersamamu aku sudah merasakan terjun, jumpalitan, lompat indah. Berkali-kali…” (Rectoverso, p.56-57)

I can’t resist to say this. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. All the best prayer goes to you. Older, better. Stay wise and wonderful. Try to figure out that there’s somebody out there who will still accept you as you are. Somebody who typed this.

Good night.

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Titik Terendah

Apa yang harus kamu lakukan ketika kamu sedang dalam titik terendah dan merasa sangat gagal dalam melaksanakan tanggung jawabmu..

Anyway.. cuma butuh 3 orang saat ini. Ayah, ibu, dan seorang lain yang kehadirannya bisa memutarbalikkan semuanya dalam sekejap.

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Dear Friend

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Dear friend,
It’s almost been 2 years I am here with you guys. Marching Band UGM has taught me infinite numbers of what matters in life. Physically, we play music instruments and dance. Mentally, we deal with what we are going to face in our future life.
Here, I understand people and surroundings. And, I try to understand myself.
Since 2012, I learn how to manage time and many other things in my life. Common university students are only busy with their studies. They (and of course, their parents) only think about how the kids get a good score, good GPA in their studies. Those people usually forget what university student should have to do to prepare for the working life.
And this is what I get. Organization and management. It’s not a simple and trivial organization. It’s Marching Band and it is incredible.
This activity helps me a lot in managing time and controlling emotions.

When I was still a player, from the morning until afternoon, I went to campus and yeah, studying as well. That was quite tiring actually. And after that, in the evening I took my time for Marching Band practice, until approximately 10 P.M.
I was forced to balance my study and my responsibility in being a Marching Band player.
When my common friend (who don’t get into any organizations) were studying, I was practicing. When they were sleeping, I was studying. If I wanted, I would have given up. But I love it. I know it has benefits to my life.

And now, I am one of the top management here. Specifically, the head of HRD. I learn moooore than when I became a player.
In this kind of position, there are many things I should deal with. People, time, emotions, target, sacrifices, love, et cetera.
I manage people. And honestly that is very, very difficult. There are approximately 110 hundreds of people with different personalities here. I have targets. When the team needs this and that and I have to do these and those and that forces myself, that sometimes ruins my emotions.
I am still studing tho. I am still a university student. But I feel like I have already imagined how working life will be.
And lastly, I know how important the role of love is to make us keep on going.

I cry a lot. But I laugh more.
I complain many. But I rightfully proud plenty.

Marching Band does not make us rich. But it enriches our experiences of life.
So guys, please don’t leave. I need you all.

Sincerely from the bottom of my heart,
2

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